Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
