I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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