i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
