We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
