census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
