Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."