If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.