I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.