i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
