I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.