just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dating After Heartbreak
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants