hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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