Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
