I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
