So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
