I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
