its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
