your thong is hanging out like whoa
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
