I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
