Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
