OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
