Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someone came in the potted fern
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
