If that was your dad, he is hot
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
