People in love make me want to vomit
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your penis caused this!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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