why didn't you poke me back
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
