I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
