if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
