we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
why is half of my head shaved?
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