When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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