the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
