one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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