i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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