My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
