After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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