it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
