So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
its liver damage thursday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
