Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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