I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
