This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
