Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
