She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
