I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
