ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
