Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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