so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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