No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
