To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
