I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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