M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
