Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
