After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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