Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
