Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
