I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
