if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
