Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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