I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
