U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
