He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
