her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
