Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
