haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What a dumb baby whore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
