actually, I'm a sock model
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
