Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
