I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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