I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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