great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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