ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
