Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
