he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
