Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
